Dr. Barbara Fontana, PhD
Intake Forms
Listen to my Podcast:
"Relationships & How to Make Them Work"

Barbara Fontana, Ph.D
45 Route 25A
Shoreham, NY 11786
Ph: 516-982-1199

Email Sign-Up
Barbara Fontana, PhD - Psychologist & Imago Relationship Therapist
Suffolk County, Long Island, New York - Couples Therapy

Tips of the Week for Couples

  • Sometimes people cannot solve their relationship problems on their own and need professional help.

I urge you to consider couples therapy with someone who is well trained in working with couples. You can find certified Imago Relationship Therapists at https://www.imagorelationshipswork.com/ If your partner won't go with you, consider individual therapy for your own well-being.

  • Many studies have found that both men and women highly value mutual trust, mutual respect, supportiveness, ease of communication, physical affection, and honesty in their marriage or relationship.

These are all aspects of intimacy. Talk to your spouse or partner about each of these over the next few weeks. Which ones do you need to work on and what are you both willing to do to improve?

  • Consider this: love makes allowances for human weaknesses.

Do you make allowances for your spouse’s weaknesses or do you criticize him or her for each and every mistake or thing they forget to do or don’t do perfectly? Try to remember that they’re human and not perfect.

  • Love is a gift...

...of one's innermost soul to another so both can be whole. - Buddha

  • "Love is a verb, not a noun. It does not exist independent of behavior. It is created or destroyed minute by minute by what we do."

Today ask yourself: am I creating or destroying love by what I am doing?

  • "It (love) is the behavioral commitment of one person to the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual potential and welfare of another person that is equal to, if not greater than, the same commitment to oneself."

How can you show your spouse or partner that their potential and welfare is as important to you as your own?

  • "Love is the quality of a relationship that totally excludes negative judgement; it is the full acceptance of the other as they are, not as we wish them to be."

Zero negativity is hard but also important to keep your relationship strong. Try to accept and honor your differences.

  • Steven Stosny wrote: "Nagging wife is unheard wife"

It's better to take time to calmly explain what is bothering you and why; nagging usually makes things worse.

  • Steven Stosny wrote: "Only someone you love can make you feel unloveable."

I think his words are a reminder of the power of our words and actions. So often I hear people say in therapy that they don't feel loveable because of the way they are being treated in their relationship. Have a talk with your partner/spouse: Does your partner feel loveable? Do you feel loveable?

  • Steven Stosny wrote: "when you're angry, you feel you are right."

Usually the best thing to do is to calm down (take a few slow, deep breaths or walk away for a few minutes) then come back and try to talk calmly and respectfully about whatever is bothering you.

  • "When we are in the presence of another person, our bodies, in a very reflective way, begin to attune to the body of the other person," says Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Science Director of the Greater Good Science Center (Psychology Today May/June 2020).

Our physiological states align and then we are better able to understand each other. Making eye contact, sitting face to face, and holding hands will each help your bodies to attune and you will be able to better understand each other. Try it and see!

Psychologist Shoreham, Long Island | (516) 982-1199