Dr. Barbara Fontana, PhD
 
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"Relationships & How to Make Them Work"

Barbara Fontana, Ph.D
45 Route 25A
Shoreham, NY 11786
Ph: 631-821-1880

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the Week
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Barbara Fontana, PhD - Psychologist & Imago Relationship Therapist
Suffolk County, Long Island, New York - Couples Therapy

Tips of the Week for Couples

  • Ask yourself am I trying to meet my partner/spouse's need for sexual intimacy?

To expect him/her to be faithful when you are consistently unwilling to be sexually intimate often causes a rupture in a relationship that grows deeper over months and years. If you are not being sexually intimate, ask your self why and discuss it with your partner/spouse. Seek professional help if you can't resolve this on your own.

  • Ask your partner/spouse - how am I doing at meeting your needs?

Listen without becoming defensive and try to do at least one thing this week that will better meet your partner/spouse's needs.

  • Romance is showing your partner/spouse how much you want and adore him/her.

Do something this week that will show your partner/spouse I want you or I adore you.

  • Dr. Pat Love, psychologist and Imago therapist, says that 80% of women do not feel like having sex until they ARE having sex.

If you are a woman, try saying yes when you partner/spouse initiates sexual foreplay and see if you become aroused. Many women I work with are surprised that they do feel like having sex once they allow themselves to engage in sexual foreplay. If you are a man, try asking your partner/spouse if she would be willing to engage in foreplay to see if she becomes aroused and give her the option of proceeding to intercourse or not depending on how she feels.

  • In their book "The Love Dare," Stephen and Alex Kendrick write: "Kindness is love in action."

Write these words on a piece of paper and post it where you can both see them. Or, put them on your cell phone or computer screen. They are words to live by.

  • Be more cooperative with each other.

If your spouse/partner asks you do to something, say yes and do it; don't make a face or complain or put it off.

  • Often it's hard to ask for what we really need in an honest and direct way.

We'd like the person we love to "just know" but they don't. Gather up your courage and tell your spouse/partner one thing you need from them. You might start by saying "this is really hard for me but I want to tell you something I need from you."

  • Don't leave your good manners at the door of your home, bring them into your home.

So often people tell me that their spouse/partner is nicer to a complete stranger than to them.

  • How you treat your spouse/partner affects their self-worth.

Treat them like you value or cherish them, like they matter to you.


Psychologist Shoreham, Long Island | (631) 821-1880