Dr. Barbara Fontana, PhD
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"Relationships & How to Make Them Work"

Barbara Fontana, Ph.D
45 Route 25A
Shoreham, NY 11786
Ph: 631-821-1880

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Barbara Fontana, PhD - Psychologist & Imago Relationship Therapist
Suffolk County, Long Island, New York - Couples Therapy

Tips of the Week for Couples

  • Express gratitude for each other daily.

It will help you appreciate each other, strengthen your relationship, help you feel better about your relationship and more connected.

  • You can cultivate healthy passion by pursuing an activity you both enjoy.

Engaging in exhilarating activities strengthens your connection with each other.

  • Look for ways to express your interest, support and enthusiasm.

This will also strengthen your connection with each other.

  • All beings want to be loved and accepted.

This is something you can give to your partner. Love completely, unselfishly, and unconditionally.

  • Follow the Platinum Rule: treat your partner/spouse as they would like to be treated instead of treating them the way you would like to be treated.

We often give our partner what we think they want or treat them the way we would like to be treated rather than paying attention to what they say they want or how they want to be treated.

  • Many people use relationship exits to "leave the relationship."

Dr. Harville Hendrix, founder of Imago Relationship Therapy, defines an exit as "any activity, thought, or feeling that decreases or avoids emotional or physical contact with your partner (i.e. intimacy)." Exits slowly but surely kill a relationship. Some examples are: being absorbed in a book, disappearing into the garage, falling asleep on the couch, playing with the kids, too many evenings working late, being wedded to your phone, watching television, four scotches a night, refusing to talk, shopping, refusing to make love, avoiding eye contact. Work on slowly closing your exits to increase the intimacy between you and your partner/spouse.

  • Working on your relationship often requires much effort.

Thinking about this quote from Hermann Hesse may help motivate you: "You know quite well deep within you, that there is only a single magic, a simple power, a single salvation and that is called loving."

  • I hope this quote from Sophocles will remind you of the importance of love in your lives:

"One word frees us from the weight of pain of life; that word is love."

  • Ponder this from Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil:

"Both men and women want to be loved, connected and understood; we just go about it differently." Generally, women tend to pursue an emotional connection not wanting to feel abandoned; men tend to move away from an emotional connection for fear of being smothered even though they want to feel connected.

Psychologist Shoreham, Long Island | (631) 821-1880