Dr. Barbara Fontana, PhD
 
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"Relationships & How to Make Them Work"

Barbara Fontana, Ph.D
45 Route 25A
Shoreham, NY 11786
Ph: 631-821-1880
Fax: 631-821-4750

Email Tip of
the Week
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Barbara Fontana, PhD - Psychologist & Imago Relationship Therapist
Suffolk County, Long Island, New York - Couples Therapy

Tips of the Week for Couples

  • "Intimacy is not purely physical. It's the act of connecting with someone so deeply you feel like you can see into their soul."

By giving your relationship some time and attention every day, you will strengthen your emotional connection and, hopefully, experience this kind of intimacy.

  • "Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life." - Leo Buscaglia

Don't let anything stop you from showing your partner love, kindness, and respect.

  • Ponder this quote from the book Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser:

"What matters is that we take the deadness of the soul seriously; that we pay attention to the contents of the heart; that we ask the hard questions, and fearlessly face the hidden parts of the self. What matters, as Jung says, is that we shine the light of consciousness in the dark corners of our life."

  • For the next few days, observe how many times you don't respond, respond minimally or continue doing whatever you are doing when your spouse/partner tries to talk to you.

Then, begin to change the way you respond: stop what you are doing, make eye contact, give more than a one or two word response and see how that changes your relationship.

  • Try turning towards your spouse/partner when he/she initiates a conversation; show interest or support.

This will have a positive effect on your emotional connection, intimacy and relationship.

  • Contempt will destroy your relationship.

Stop criticizing your spouse/partner; stop looking for what he/she is doing wrong. Look for what he/she is doing right and say something positive.

  • Kindness strengthens your relationship.

It's little acts of kindness that help people feel close, connected, loved and appreciated.

  • Sometimes a marriage or relationship is so heavy it can sink your life or kill your soul.

If this sounds like you, I urge you to consider couples therapy. You can find certified Imago Relationship Therapists at www.imagorelationships.org If your partner won't go with you, consider individual therapy for your own well-being.

  • I often hear that someone wasn't "in the mood" but,...

...once they were engaged in sexual intimacy, they really enjoyed it. Try to say yes when you're not in the mood and see what happens.